5 am cold sweats waking up to the skies

pulled my first all nighter of the semester on the very last night of it.
found myself walking empty streets cloaked in a heavy fog at 5 am, going to the 24 hour kinkos.
wound up in a car with three kids from my class, all of us drugged with lack of sleep.
it was a two minute drive back.
but we got lost, going the wrong way on one way streets.
the tops of sky scrapers disappeared into the fog.
it was supposed to be thunderstorming.
loud, bass heavy rap blared from the speakers as we careened through the streets.
we stopped short at every light, lurched around corners, backed up to change course.
we wound up in a tunnel, then on a highway.
pursuit of happiness came on.
it was a perfect way to end the year. so calm, so beautiful, so unexpected.

My apartment is filled with laundry and garbage.
There is a bicycle in the kitchen near the window.
A mattress on the floor of the bedroom.
And a smaller mattress leaning against the wall.
The floor is covered in a thin layer of rolling tobacco.
Three crates of vinyl albums in the main living area serve as a table for our things to accumulate.
Guitars and backpacks and shoes and crayons.
CDs and a chair and a rolling machine perched on a laundry basket.
The glade plugin radiates freshness and the scented candle has no scent.
Clutter is slowly closing in.
There is no lack of love.
It is a home.

Awestruck

Today I was driving around in my car and I started thinking about all the things in my life that are just so amazing. I have the best father I could ever dream of. I have sisters that are my best friends. I'm doing well in school, it's spring time, and all of the sudden I have the best boyfriend I could ever possibly dream of. He's the one for me, and I've never been so happy. As I realized how much I love each person in my life and felt it, I began to cry. I've never cried from happiness before. It was amazing.

All of the sudden my life has begun. I can't even say how grateful I am. I'm so grateful for this life. My life, others' lives...and the way they fit together so perfectly.

Life's Changes

Life can change so fast, from just one little act, one decision. I never really realized how much I invest in what I expect and assume to be the course of life for myself and the people around me. The fact that something that happens in one day can change a lifetime is rather scary. Lingering five seconds longer at a stop sign can save or kill you. So much is invested in random occurances. As humans, we are very adaptable to changes, we have to be. If this new path plays out the way I assume it will, life will be so different in just less than a year. I don't think we realize how crazy our choices make life until one choice someone makes hits you straight in the face and you say... wow, her life is really going to change forever with either decicison she chooses. There really may be no choice at all. It's crazy... there's so much more than I expect there to be and there are so many things in life that I take for granted.