Last night a boy i was in love with for a very long time told me that he had just realized he was yet another link in my long chain of boys. it rattled me to the core and i cant shake the feeling that i was a fool for letting him in as much as i did. i dont open up to people on a real level very often and ive told him things ive never told anyone before. my attraction to him went far beyond one night of writhing in a bed. but i guess that was all he saw himself as.
he wasnt another link. besides the point that my list of boys isnt long enough to be classified the way he did, he wasnt a part of that rando chain. i didnt want to leave in the morning. i didnt turn to the wall to avoid facing him in the morning sobriety. he may have started off as just a guy, but there was more there than that and he became one of my best friends, albeit one with riddled with pangs of desire to be more than friends. but i guess to him i was just a girl who found comfort in sleeping with boys. which to an extent is true and is true about a lot of the guys that ive slept with over the years, but not him. not him at all. i dont think ive ever acknowledged in words that i was in love with him until right now, but i was. he meant so much to me and now that trust that id had in him is crumbling.
ive never felt like i misread a situation as badly as i misread this one. where do i go from here?
Tell him how you feel. He might not feel the same way. Or he might. Or he might, but he might not want to pursue anything. But a best friend deserves to know that you see him as far more than a link in the chain.
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