i live in a constant dream state. numb out and dissociate with real life. watch through a hazy veil. nothing ever close enough to hurt me too bad. a false sense of security that if it ever gets too bad i can just wake up and it'll all be a fading memory.
but now i have trouble realizing what is and isnt a dream. i can't shake the dreams and the dreams creep into life. things happen and i dont know if it was dream me or real me or if theres even really that much of a difference. nothing is really a concrete memory, just fast fading little flashes. the story lines never quite add up and i'm not sure how i arrive to different settings. things seem close to reality but just a little bit off, a little bit too fantastic, a little bit too plastic, a little bit static. my emotions catapult as i hurtle through different stages of dreams.
the dreams are all turning into nightmares. i cant wake up so im getting pushed deeper and deeper into the depths of my subconscious and the darkness that lies there. my intentions have never been clearer to me. my hints i didnt even know i was giving are becoming obvious. every time i realizes its too big to be real and wake up im just in another nightmare. they always start innocuous but then slowly they twist to terror. they slip in and out as they get to be too much. i never know how i end up places.
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