I’m writing this down just because my head is full with thoughts and it’s making it impossible to sleep. I most likely won’t end up sending this to you, but I needed to these thoughts out of my head. I don’t really know how it happened, but I started thinking about the events that ended our friendship over two years ago. I honestly hardly ever think about it anymore, as I’m sure you don’t either, because, as I learned tonight, it’s just very painful. I met a woman in Croatia last summer who told me that whoever said time heals all wounds was lying, that in fact, nothing becomes less painful no matter how much time has gone by.
I’m thinking of how many times I tried to get you to talk to me, to forgive me, and I realize now I was wrong to do so. Once, you asked me to simply leave you alone, and I did not respect that wish. I was so consumed with grief and regret and the desperation to make things right that I didn’t see that the right thing to do would just be to leave you alone. I’m only seeing it now because of how much it hurts to think of what happened, even though it was a long time ago. I don’t think the pain will ever go away, or diminish, the pain we both felt from what I did. Even if we tried to be friends again, or tried to talk it out, it would always be there. I should have just left you alone, and I’m so sorry I didn’t do that, and I just need you to know that, even if it’s a couple years too late, I realize now that’s what I should have done.
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