It's not fair

Study, study, study,
meiosis, mitosis
then like lightning
it pervades my mind.
A flash of her
sweating
shaking
crying
vomiting
detoxing miles away
in a place my mind
just can't reach.

I keep myself from crying out
The second is over
I'm safe now.
study, study, study,
genes, chromosomes
diploid, haploid
fighting off the void--no.
can't think about that
study, study, study,
inheritance, parents, offspring
maternal chromosomes,
maternal ties,
maternal lies.

It only took having my mother taken away from me, and the knowledge that I can't see or hear from her, and the pure fear I feel for her...that's all it took for me to forgive her...for hate to turn back into love...I wish I could call her so I could tell her that. I guess she won't know until she gets out of wherever she is. If she can ever escape the darkness.