they dont pay like they used to pay

in a little more than eight days, i'll be 20. 20 is too old. im not ready for 20. im still a kid. im not a grown up. im not in my 20's. i dont want to be a 20something. i cant be. im still trying to find something, anything, to have meaning. i cant start thinking about the fact that the people im around may be finding their life mates and starting jobs that lead to careers and arent just a way to pass time at a time when time is all we have and make enough money to pay for dinners out and partying. im not ready for electrical bills and dogs. thats too much like real life. let me keep snoozing and keep this dream alive.