why? because he was a question mark. and i hate question marks. i hate them hovering above my head, big markers of my indecision. i love the finality of a period, of a question resolutely answered. he was an ocean of a what if, swelling and falling with feelings unresolved. i needed the feel of his body against mine to move forward.

ice cubes and comedy shows, my fingers raking through his hair as we talked about my family. a lingering glance before we slept. we were so close before a door separated us, a physical wall cutting the tension passing through our bodies.

i had to make sure i wasnt missing out on love. so i let myself slip. i gave in. i knew exactly what i was doing. i knew bowls and bottles would lead to beds. i've never been much for the slow burn.